Male Problems of Female Orgasms
At the dawn of my psychotherapeutic practice I was extremely interested in sexology. As soon as I came across the fact that the half of all women suffer from unability to have orgasm, I rushed to save this miserable part of the charming half of the humanity. I published an advertisement about the treatment of anorgasmy and was flooded by the calls of …men. Why do men have such a great concern in this particularly female problem?
To the large extent, male approach to sex and one’s role in it is physiological. Man’s capability to have erection and orgasm is directly connected
with his capacity of propagating his kind. In nature the status of a male is determined by his sexual potency. An individual who is hopeless as a
producer can claim only for the position of a second-best member of the group. That was the reason for erected phallus to be an ancient symbol of
wealth and authority. This is exactly the point from which men’s sensitive attitude towards their penis’s size is derived, since the size as well
implicates the speed of erection and the ability to have sexual acts as frequently as possible. All these features are united under the concept of
the so-called “male dignity”. If you do not want to make an enemy in the face of a man, you’d better to restrain from any cynical remarks about these
features of him.
An ability to bring the woman off is just one more idiom for male dignity. If a man does not succeed in this task, his dignity begins to wane and it is useless to try to convince him that everything was just brilliant. Attempts to restore his fallen self-esteem often throw the man into the embrace of another woman. Otherwise, if the man is deterred from it by his moral feelings or call of duty, the fallen dignity will be drowned in systematic hard drinking, endless complaints or obstinate attempts to “treat” his woman for frigidity on his own or with a help of specialists. In my experience of a psychologist, I have been repeatedly called upon to “cure” women with this “illness”. However, the treatment was needed rather for men’s inferiority complex than for frigidity.
Sex appeal and ability to maintain the distance give a woman the right for selecting her partner. These are the main terms that define “female dignity”. A tendency to be desired and inaccessible at the same time makes the psychology of the fair sex incomprehensible for the reasoning of men. The only things required from them are attention and proper response to female sexual advances, but at the same time, men should not be too obtrusive with their intimate proposals.
Although the desire to attract men’s exalting glances has nothing in common with the readiness to engage in sexual relations, men take short skirts and staring makeup unambiguously. This frequently becomes the reason for unjustified jealousy and other misunderstandings.
“Female dignity” could not measured by centimeters or the number of orgasms, but it is absolutely as vulnerable as the male one. There can be only two “solid” reasons for a woman to hate a man: the first is when he makes her doubt her attractiveness and the second is when she is forced to stay with him against her will. The last reason concerns not only sexual assaults, but rather the situation when a woman forces herself to engage into sexual or family relations with someone she does not like for various practical considerations, the following years of outpouring her scorn and irritation being just an attempt to pay back for her own errors.
Orgasm. A Function or a Feeling?
Differences in the male and female sexuality are most vivedly manifested in the culminating moments of their intercourse. Female orgasms differ from the male ones not only in terms of their duration and amplitude. Female orgasm has a completely different nature. It is all relatively simple about men. Ejaculation is a function of organism caused by the instinct of procreation. If a man has everything in working order with his head and body, no problems will appear, otherwise, if something is wrong with them, it should be treated or learned.
Quite the opposite, orgasm makes no physiological need for a woman. It is rather the highest point of her openness and intimacy. If there are some barriers between the partners that would not let the woman be completely open and natural, she will be unable to share the feeling which is so significant for her. She even might prefer to experience it using some artificial means on her own or gain it with some “male” she is indifferent to remaining cold and insensitive.
Living with It or Getting a Treatment?
If a woman is capable of gaining pleasure by her own means, treating her with “frigidity” has no sense. In such a case, “treatment” must be applied to her relationships with a particular man or with the strongest sex in general. When everything is based only on mutual reproaches, or, vice versa, on patience and responsibility, orgasms are absolutely out of the question. The lack of love and romantic feelings is the main reason for female “frigidity”.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of men do not spoil their beloved one with kindness and consideration. However, the same claims and complaints are advanced by them as well. It might be also quite reasonable to ask our dear women what actions they take to spice up their men’s interest and to conquer their men’s attention. Not once a year, but every day! If they consider that a man is obliged to make love or makes it for a plate of soup, why does it seem so absurd for them when the man expects them to get consumed with desire at his first call?
If there is a disharmony in intimate relations, it is useless to search for the one to blame. This is the problem of the couple’s chemistry and it must be solved by both of the partners. If you want to be understood, you should make the first step and try to understand the person beside you. When both of you regard the partner as a friend and ally, you will be able to discuss your desires and wants feeling no shame in it and find the forms of intimate relations acceptible for both of you. Then, even consulting a specialist will make no problem. If you stick together, all intimate problems are solvable, while if you find each other on the different sides of the barricade, even a sexologist will be unable to help you.
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